Tuesday, 20 January 2015

To all parents

 (secquel to http://swangchuk.blogspot.com/2015/01/for-all-children-who-are-about-to.html)

By the time I am in the position to realize it, it was too late; we will never understand each other ever.

Just like you my childhood comes but once. You must have been in constant touch with your parents but not me but you will argue that we were. The day I was aware of the surroundings and feelings I have been left behind every day with a stranger (nanny). No amount of crying could hold you back with me, you used all the tricks that you adult have and sneak away from me to return only in the evening too tired to hold me in your arms.

My crying drew your attention but I can see a look of disdain on your face. The only language I knew that time was crying and it made me get many things done the way I want it, but it was not the case with the nanny. She pinched me in the places where you will not care to see while I cried. You were happy with the nanny for making me not to cry and applauded her to my dismay. You are saying you love me but I m having the feeling that you do not care.

When I was about to get close and used to with the nanny you change them and the punishment they gave me differed every time with each one of them.

When I grew up and crave to stay with you, you went abroad for studies or something. When I pleaded you to not to go you scolded me telling me that I will not know anything. I was the inconvenience for your chance to go to foreign trips so, you conveniently sent me to boarding schools. Oh how I felt suicidal, and hated you for that. If you are so busy why you gave birth to me?

When I became teenager, I knew how to take care of myself and make myself happy even though, I was the one with less money among my friends in spite of you being well off. Once when I told that Tashi was having lots of money and why you are not treating me with like parents of Tashi? You told Tashi’s parents instead, and he became a pauper, that did not help our gang and I was ostracized.

I took the refuge in getting high to stop thinking about you and the friends and now I like the substance more than any of you here.

Now when I am in love with my life and care for you anymore, you come to me and tell me that you cared and loved me. What took it so long for you to realize that papa and mama? Whatever you have been doing was for me, you say. Why did you not take a day as it comes, you were busy preparing for the future and spoilt your present. In that present of yours I was there accidentally.

You are one very annoying person. Just like the parents of my friend S…s…So..Sonam. They come to our gathering dressed, awfully out of fashion and he was so ashamed. Why can’t you people dress appropriately with the fashion? Why can’t you people be aware of our problems and requirements?  Your childhood was not fun does not mean that you spoil ours too.

Your advice does not sink in my ears looking at the way you live. What I see and what I hear from you, contradicts. No, I don’t want to be like you, accumulating wealth for your future when you future is getting spoiled in front of you. I do not want a piece of any of your wealth. You have earned it and you keep it. If I inherit by default, be assured that I m offering it to charity.

When I overcome this addiction, I will get married and get settled and if ever I have a child, he will never be left behind in the hands of ever changing nannies. I will not crave to go to America or Australia to earn when what you have is getting rotten back here.

I know you parents will not understand me and the generation gaps will remain, I can’t close that gap with you as you consider yourself, to be always right. But I assure you that this ex junkie would be closing the gap with his children.

I will always love you my dear parents, just as you did – mentally, physically you were never near me. I think I must be bottle fed right after my birth seeing the busy schedule that you and mom had.

I know the schedule because you people forgot to clear the browsing histories in your laptops for ages.

(not referring to anyone…just a flight of fancy…. Like Lord Buddha said .. ‘We must follow the middle path. If the string of the guitar too tight or too loose it won’t make the required sweet sound. It should be in between …………..’)